CHOOSING A PARTNER — WISDOM OF THE NORTH

Thoughts drawn from the Hávamál, the Sagas, and the lived experience of Odin’s Warrior Tribe

Introduction

In the old world, the Germanic Tribes and Norse understood that love and marriage were not passing pleasures but sacred bonds shaping family, tribe, and fate. The Hávamál and the sagas tell us that a wise match strengthens the hall, while a foolish one sows ruin. The same truths echo today, though the forms of trial have changed.

This teaching gathers ancient counsel from Odin’s words, the stories of our forebears, and the hard-won experience of our own Tribe—warriors, veterans, and families walking the old ways anew. It speaks to both men and women who seek to build lasting love in honor and truth.

Look Beyond Beauty — Weigh Character and Honor

Fair looks fade; character endures. In Njáls Saga, Gunnar of Hlíðarendi—renowned in battle and beloved by all—ignored the warnings of the wise and took Hallgerðr for her beauty. Her pride and malice cost him his life when she denied him even a strand of her hair to mend his bowstring. Thus did a hero fall, undone not by an enemy but by his own unwise choice of wife.

Hallgerðr

So, the Hávamál warns us:

“To love a woman whose ways are false

Is like sledding over slippery ice

With unshod horses out of control,

Badly trained two-year-olds,

Or drifting rudderless on a rough sea,

Or catching a reindeer with a crippled hand

On a thawing hillside: think not to do it.”

Falsehood—whether from woman or man—leads only to pain. The verses continue with equal fairness:

“Naked I may speak now for I know both:

Men are treacherous too.

Fairest we speak when falsest we think:

Many a maid is deceived.”

Thus, neither sex is free from fault; deceit knows no single form. Choose not by beauty or charm, but by the steadiness of spirit and the truth in their eyes. The wise seek a partner whose honor outshines their adornments, whose loyalty will not waver when the snow comes.

Loyalty and Shared Honor

In the North, love was proven not in words but in loyalty. When Njáll’s hall burned, Bergþóra was offered escape. She refused, saying, “I was given to Njáll young, and I promised him that one fate should await us both.” Together they perished, bound by unbroken troth.

Bergþóra

Loyalty is the soul of frith—the peace of a household that no enemy can breach. Fidelity, trust, and truth are its pillars. In our time, a worthy partner still guards your name when absent and your honor when tested. Betrayal, in any form, is rot in the beams of the hall. The marriage-bed must be as sacred as the oath-ring: once sworn, defend it as your life.

Marriage Is More Than Two

In the sagas, marriage joined families and fates, not just hearts. A quarrelsome or prideful spouse could ignite feuds stretching across generations. Hallgerðr’s feud with Bergþóra brought about the burning of Njáll’s hall—proof that strife at the hearth can spread like wildfire.

In our time, a marriage still ties together kin, comrades, and community. A worthy partner brings harmony; a poor match breeds discord. Before binding yourself, seek counsel from those you trust. Passion may be blind, but friendship and family see clearly. Ask not only, “Do I love this person?” but also, “Will this union bring peace, strength, and good legacy?” Choose for the long road, and for the generations yet unborn.

Are these easy paths - not always. This is a scene from Fritiofs Saga, an Icelandic saga, painted in the late 1800's by August Malmström, which shows Fritihofs marriage proposal to his childhood sweetheart - Ingeborg - whom he loved. Fritihof was denied her hand in marriage by her two brothers who were Kings and were jealous of Fritihof's warrior qualities. Fritihof was sent away by them and then they burned his farm. Fritihof went off and became a Viking for three years. He also became a badass. In the meantime Ingeborg was married off to an aging and soon to die King name Ring who fathered a child with Ingeborg. When King Ring was ill, Fritihof returned from his exile and stayed with him for a winter in his kingdom of Ringerike. King Ring learned who Fritihof really was and he made him a Jarl and asked Fritihof to be the foster father for his child with Ingeborg. When King Ring died Fritihof and Ingenorg were finally married. Her two brothers - the Kings that had sent Fritihof away were soon dealt with. Fritihof killed one of them and he made the other his servant.

Fritihof

Faith and Frith in the Home

From the experience of our own Tribe we have learned that faith, when divided, can test even the strongest love. When two powerful beliefs share one roof and each claims the children’s souls, the home becomes a battlefield. We have seen members forced to forsake the gods to keep peace—or even custody.

Let this stand as truth won by hard witness:

If both are heathen, the hearth burns bright.

If one walks another path, harmony endures only through genuine acceptance, not mere tolerance.

But if faith becomes a weapon between spouses, the home will break, and the children will bear the cost.

A partner need not follow your gods but must honor them as part of you. Mockery of your faith foretells mockery of your spirit. Yet one who listens, who stands beside you at blót or quietly toasts your ancestors, strengthens the hall. Better one clear flame than two that scorch each other’s hands.

The Road to the Gods — Conversions and the Tested Hearth

Few among us were born heathen. In our Tribe’s seven-year span, only a few have known no other faith. Most came to the gods later—through war, hardship, or the quiet call of something older—while already bound in marriage. Such awakening can renew a household or divide it.

Some spouses walk beside the new faith; others turn away. The gods claim whom they will, and the call once heard cannot be unheard. Speak honestly, live humbly, and let your deeds prove that the old ways make you wiser and more whole. If your awakening strengthens your family, it will be seen. If it divides, tread carefully, for frith is still sacred.

Divorce or widowhood, though painful, are not the end of one’s wyrd. In heathen understanding, they may be the gods’ way of offering a new path to walk in truth. To leave honorably, when oaths can no longer be kept, is not failure but transformation. What matters is that it be done lawfully, truthfully, and without deceit.

For those with children, unity of purpose is vital. Older couples may differ in faith without quarrel, but when young children must be raised, alignment matters. We are witnessing the first true generation in centuries of children raised in the old ways. Both parents must either share or at least bless that path, or discord will take root. The Tribe’s duty is to guide such families, teaching the young in virtue and lore. What the world calls unconventional, the gods call continuity.

So, divorce is not ruin but rebirth, widowhood not extinction but the passing of the torch. Each ending carries the forge-fire of renewal, where heart and hearth may be made whole again.

Honor Above All

Even the gods teach that desire must never outweigh integrity. Freyr gave away his sword to win the giant-maiden Gerðr and faced Ragnarok unarmed. So too do mortals fall when they trade honor for passion or ease. Keep your integrity, for love that demands betrayal will one day betray you.

Here, the Hávamál speaks with the clarity of iron:

“Never seduce another’s wife,

Never make her your mistress.”

Among our ancestors this was more than counsel—it was law. Adultery struck at the heart of tribe and kin, for it destroyed trust, lineage, and the sanctity of the hall. In the Germanic world it was despised, and an adulteress—male or female—was often outcast. On this point, heathen and Christian alike meet in rare agreement: adultery is a poison that corrodes the very pillar of family life.

The answer is simple and unbending: do not do it. If love or marriage has failed, end it honorably and lawfully, then walk free. But to betray within it is to mock every oath sworn before gods and kin. The honorable road is harder, but it leaves your soul clean and your name unblemished before the ancestors. Adultery brings ruin; honest endings bring renewal.

A marriage without honor is a tent in a storm. A marriage founded on mutual respect, fidelity, and truth is a hall that endures the ages. When love and honor walk hand in hand, they are blessed by the gods themselves.

The Art of Love — Gifts, Praise, and Understanding

The Hávamál also speaks of the lighter, joyful side of love, for courtship and affection were never foreign to our ancestors. Odin himself, who knew all wisdom, also knew the perils and pleasures of love. The verses remind us:

“Gallantly shall he speak and gifts bring

Who wishes for woman’s love:

Praise the features of the fair girl,

Who courts well will conquer.”

So, courtship is an art of respect and generosity, not deceit. Let affection be given freely and received gratefully, with no trickery of tongue or empty promise. The All-Father also warns against scorn:

“Never reproach another for his love:

It happens often enough

That beauty ensnares with desire the wise

While the foolish remain unmoved.”

Even the wise are touched by desire, and there is no shame in love honestly pursued and honorably held. The shame lies only in deceit, betrayal, and contempt for the oaths that bind hearts and homes.

Conclusion

Choose with eyes open and heart steady. Let affection be tempered by wisdom and passion guided by patience. Listen to counsel, heed omens, and remember that every union affects not only two souls but all who share their blood and name.

The gods favor those who keep frith in their homes and truth in their hearts. A good partner shares hugr ok hjarta—mind and heart—and stands shield-to-shield with you against the world. Such a union becomes the living hearthfire of tribe and lineage.

Choose well and may the gods guide your hand and heart.

A Heathen Lady of the Hall